Psychology brings us closer to the fact that the development of our childhood, not only conditions the formation of our personality, but also our relationships in adult life. Knowing what kind of experiences marked us is essential to identify those that perhaps hurt us and to be able to heal those wounds; avoiding that our children would also suffer them and we perpetuate the cycle unconsciously.
Although many would remember childhood as a happy stage, it is common to find and feel identified with one or more of these wounds, deeper or shallower, that drag us towards certain symptoms, failures or patterns that we repeat without being conscious; disabling us to face a healthy and resilient adult life. They tend to respond to unresolved conflicts, emotional deficiencies, traumatic situations or even distortions of an apparently innocuous reality that, however, is interpreted as threatening.
I encourage you to decipher your own experience and to identify the origin of your wound to reprogram your childhood memories; thus improving the quality of your adult emotional relationships and your own capacity for emotional and personal management.
1 ✤ Abandonment Wound
The lack of affection, company or emotional support marked us so much that we find ourselves in constant vigilance not to be abandoned again, feeling an extreme fear of loneliness. We can suffer emotional dependence, a tendency to self-sabotage, we tolerate excessively in order not to be left alone, we link one relationship with another for fear of loneliness; or we even take the initiative to abandon others before they do, as a defense mechanism, for fear of re-experiencing that overwhelming pain.
We can heal this wound by working this fear of loneliness. The one who fears abandonment is the inner child, not the adult; so we must connect with him / her, validate him / her, embrace his / her nature and reinforce his / her self-esteem, so that he / she will feel more secure and capable. By dedicating quality time to ourselves, we will demolish the fear of emotional openness and move closer to reconciliation with oneself. We must work on affective relationships and learn to be alone before starting other relationships.
2 ✤ Rejection Wound
We find the origin in experiences of non-acceptance by parents, caregivers or their own peers, which culminated in a rejection of ourselves. When we perceive rejection as children, we end up cultivating self-loathing. We do not believe we are worthy to love or to be loved, and any criticism will cause us suffering that we will try to compensate through the need for constant external approval and recognition.
We can heal this wound by beginning to value ourselves and recognize ourselves for what we are, a valuable and unique being, relativizing that internal negative criticism and transforming it into positive constructive strategies. We must work our insecurities, gaining more confidence and respect for ourselves, in order to cultivate our self-love.
3 ✤ Humiliation Wound
It originates when we feel that our parents or our environment has disapproved, criticized or ridiculed us. The lack of self-esteem is shaping a dependent personality from which we underestimate ourselves, we feel guilty about everything and we forget our needs, in order to please others. Without realizing it, we end up believing that our self-recognition depends on the image that others have of us.
We can heal this wound by letting go of the heavy burden of humiliation and guilt, setting limits and respect, forgiving people who hurt us, and forgiving ourselves; reconciling ourselves with the past so that we can begin to value ourselves as the person we are and take responsibility now as adults.
4 ✤ Betrayal Wound
It arises when we have felt betrayed by one of the parents, who did not keep their promise. If the situation was repeated, it could end up generating feelings of mistrust and isolation; that may have resulted in resentment or envy over time. This wound builds strong, possessive, distrustful, or controlling personalities; out of necessity not to feel cheated again. We value fidelity and loyalty, although from distorted visions as a result of experience, which make us not know how to respect the limits or the space of others.
We can heal this wound by working tolerance, patience, trust and the delegation of responsibilities to others; being consistent with our words and actions, being sincere without promising in vain, and always keeping the promises we make to ourselves and to others.
5 ✤ Wound of Injustice
It originates when our parents were rigid or cold, imposing an authoritarian and disrespectful educational style towards us. A constant demand generated us a feeling of injustice and feelings of worthlessness; forming rigid adults with communication deficiencies and difficulties when accepting different ways of being or opinions. They are based on their own belief and value system, expressed as moral judgments and absolute truths.
Due to a need to gain power and social importance based on excessive order and perfectionism, we must heal this wound by working on mental rigidity, cultivating tolerance and respect for a diversity free of judgment, flexibility and trust towards others. We must pay special attention to the free expression of feelings, the acceptance of what is different and the reconstruction of empathy.
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Have you felt identified? If certain ideas have resonated you, you feel that you have connected with some of them and you want to learn to manage emotions in a constructive way to heal and nurture your identity as the adult you are now, I encourage you to change the old patterns that you hampered by new healthier styles. Observe your emotions, reflect on them and in case of perceiving resistance, do not hesitate to contact me if you have decided to take action to change this situation. I will provide you with all the tools you need to create new habits and a lifestyle that is full and satisfying for you.