The five Wounds of Childhood

Psychology brings us closer to the fact that the development of our childhood, not only conditions the formation of our personality, but also our relationships in adult life. Knowing what kind of experiences marked us is essential to identify those that perhaps hurt us and to be able to heal those wounds; avoiding that our children would also suffer them and we perpetuate the cycle unconsciously.

Although many would remember childhood as a happy stage, it is common to find and feel identified with one or more of these wounds, deeper or shallower, that drag us towards certain symptoms, failures or patterns that we repeat without being conscious; disabling us to face a healthy and resilient adult life. They tend to respond to unresolved conflicts, emotional deficiencies, traumatic situations or even distortions of an apparently innocuous reality that, however, is interpreted as threatening.

I encourage you to decipher your own experience and to identify the origin of your wound to reprogram your childhood memories; thus improving the quality of your adult emotional relationships and your own capacity for emotional and personal management.

1 ✤ Abandonment Wound

The lack of affection, company or emotional support marked us so much that we find ourselves in constant vigilance not to be abandoned again, feeling an extreme fear of loneliness. We can suffer emotional dependence, a tendency to self-sabotage, we tolerate excessively in order not to be left alone, we link one relationship with another for fear of loneliness; or we even take the initiative to abandon others before they do, as a defense mechanism, for fear of re-experiencing that overwhelming pain.

We can heal this wound by working this fear of loneliness. The one who fears abandonment is the inner child, not the adult; so we must connect with him / her, validate him / her, embrace his / her nature and reinforce his / her self-esteem, so that he / she will feel more secure and capable. By dedicating quality time to ourselves, we will demolish the fear of emotional openness and move closer to reconciliation with oneself. We must work on affective relationships and learn to be alone before starting other relationships.

2 ✤ Rejection Wound

We find the origin in experiences of non-acceptance by parents, caregivers or their own peers, which culminated in a rejection of ourselves. When we perceive rejection as children, we end up cultivating self-loathing. We do not believe we are worthy to love or to be loved, and any criticism will cause us suffering that we will try to compensate through the need for constant external approval and recognition.

We can heal this wound by beginning to value ourselves and recognize ourselves for what we are, a valuable and unique being, relativizing that internal negative criticism and transforming it into positive constructive strategies. We must work our insecurities, gaining more confidence and respect for ourselves, in order to cultivate our self-love.

3 ✤ Humiliation Wound

It originates when we feel that our parents or our environment has disapproved, criticized or ridiculed us. The lack of self-esteem is shaping a dependent personality from which we underestimate ourselves, we feel guilty about everything and we forget our needs, in order to please others. Without realizing it, we end up believing that our self-recognition depends on the image that others have of us.

We can heal this wound by letting go of the heavy burden of humiliation and guilt, setting limits and respect, forgiving people who hurt us, and forgiving ourselves; reconciling ourselves with the past so that we can begin to value ourselves as the person we are and take responsibility now as adults.

4 ✤ Betrayal Wound

It arises when we have felt betrayed by one of the parents, who did not keep their promise. If the situation was repeated, it could end up generating feelings of mistrust and isolation; that may have resulted in resentment or envy over time. This wound builds strong, possessive, distrustful, or controlling personalities; out of necessity not to feel cheated again. We value fidelity and loyalty, although from distorted visions as a result of experience, which make us not know how to respect the limits or the space of others.

We can heal this wound by working tolerance, patience, trust and the delegation of responsibilities to others; being consistent with our words and actions, being sincere without promising in vain, and always keeping the promises we make to ourselves and to others.

5 ✤ Wound of Injustice

It originates when our parents were rigid or cold, imposing an authoritarian and disrespectful educational style towards us. A constant demand generated us a feeling of injustice and feelings of worthlessness; forming rigid adults with communication deficiencies and difficulties when accepting different ways of being or opinions. They are based on their own belief and value system, expressed as moral judgments and absolute truths.

Due to a need to gain power and social importance based on excessive order and perfectionism, we must heal this wound by working on mental rigidity, cultivating tolerance and respect for a diversity free of judgment, flexibility and trust towards others. We must pay special attention to the free expression of feelings, the acceptance of what is different and the reconstruction of empathy.

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Have you felt identified? If certain ideas have resonated you, you feel that you have connected with some of them and you want to learn to manage emotions in a constructive way to heal and nurture your identity as the adult you are now, I encourage you to change the old patterns that you hampered by new healthier styles. Observe your emotions, reflect on them and in case of perceiving resistance, do not hesitate to contact me if you have decided to take action to change this situation. I will provide you with all the tools you need to create new habits and a lifestyle that is full and satisfying for you.

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Mindfulness Manifesto

We hear a lot about this practice and more and more people are benefiting from it. But… What is it exactly? And, why incorporate it into our daily life? Let’s shed some light on.

The Mindfulness technique is defined as the ability to pay attention, consciously, to the experience of the present moment. Without trying to change it, judge it or reject it. It helps us become aware of our emotions, in order to mitigate the frustration caused by not being able to change certain situations. It is considered a psychological practice of meditation, a relaxation technique and also forms a more relaxed attitude towards life.

It helps us fight stress because it induces a state of calm, serenity and mental clarity; reducing the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and helping to detect when anxious responses appear to neutralize them. But… how to apply it in my daily life? I invite you to do it, in a very simple way, creating your own manifesto. A declaration of principles that allows you to freely question and express what you feel. Turn your attention to the here and now, and see if …

✤ I stop; I open myself to the experience of the present moment

✤ I feel my body while I breathe, stand or sit, while speaking; while I am reading these words

✤ If my mind wanders, I go back and reconnect to the here and now

✤ I am able to love myself, trust myself and appreciate who I am

✤ I am able to see my actions in perspective

✤ I perceive my mistakes and difficulties without judging them

✤ I accept the unpleasant experiences

✤ I treat myself kindly and understandingly when things go wrong

✤ I perceive my thoughts, feelings, emotions and impulses without losing myself in them

✤ I am patient with myself and with the others

✤ I watch how my experiences come and go

✤ I am able to smile when life poses difficulties

✤ If I listen to myself, I experience moments of calm and inner peace

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If you have perceived resistance to one or more of these points, I encourage you to reflect on it and see what happens. If making them aware causes you discomfort, it is possible that some anchor hinders their resolution. This scenario is usually very common in consultation; do not hesitate to contact me if you have decided to take action and change this situation.

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Post Confinement Sport

The confinement stage has left behind not only psychological, but also obvious physical consequences.

Before recovering your usual sports practice, no matter how little, you must take into account a few factors, recommended by the Department of Sports Psychology of COPC (Col·legi Oficial de Psicologia de Catalunya).

✤ Above all, always protect yourself and respect social distancing measures. The use of a mask and hydroalcoholic gel is already part of our day to day, also in sports.

✤ Learn to manage emotions without pressure. Facing the reopening, it is natural that you may experience restlessness, dysphoria, excitement, fear… Try to accept these new states without judging or repressing them.

✤ It is possible that you may feel anxiety due to the self-imposed pressure, due to the possible loss of muscle tone during this period, due to discomfort with the current physique… Try to trust yourself and your own resources.

✤ If going out makes you apprehensive, you can make gradual approximations without demanding too much of yourself. You can start with open spaces, where you can avoid crowds.

✤ Do not force yourself. Sustained stress over time, in addition to affecting motivation, translates into tension, decreased performance and is, in turn, a strong predictor of injury.

✤ Opt for individual sports whenever possible. In case of group activities, try to maintain the appropriate safety distance and make sure that the hygiene conditions are adequate, if it is an indoor activity.

✤ Try to prevent accumulated desire from becoming risky actions, which can lead to possible injuries. If in doubt, consult a qualified professional.

✤ Routines are the key to regulate our nervous system. Try to reorganize your new training conditions and manage your time consciously. The planning of the sessions must be coherent and adapted to your needs.

✤ Try to maintain healthy habits to improve your physical performance, as well as a healthy diet and the minimum necessary rest.

✤ Modulate self-demand to avoid overexertion that could endanger your health. To avoid injury, also try to warm up and stretch before and after physical activity.

✤ Take the pressure off with future goals. Listen to your body, increase the intensity very progressively and do not forget to bring all your attention to the present moment. Remember that the main objective is to be able to enjoy it.

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The Therapist Choice

Whether it is your first time or not, it may be difficult to decide in the hands of whom to place your trust. Here you have keys to keep in mind to choose the appropriate clinical psychology professional.

1 ✤ Professional Association

Professionals must be current members of the COP (Colegio Oficial de Psicología) and be registered in their autonomous community. If you request their collegiate number, they should be able to offer it to you without problem.

2 ✤ Health clinic qualification

They must have the accreditation as a general health psychologist (PGS), issued by the Ministry of Health, which is essential to work in the area of mental health.

3 ✤ Titulation & Orientation

To avoid labor intrusion, their training must be official and titled, like a university degree, preferably with a master’s degree or complementary courses. The documentation must be official and prove that they are specialized in what you are looking for. They should clearly state their therapeutic orientation and professional practice style, to see if they can offer you what you need.

4 ✤ Services

It will always be preferable if they can offer you both diagnosis and treatment, to avoid subsequently jumps from one professional to another; which is not very optimal for both the patient and the therapy. It is also interesting that they can offer you as well online assistance by video call, in addition to the usual face-to-face visit.

5 ✤ Other aspects

If they have a website, check that it complies with the Computer Security certification standards (the little lock that appears on the left in the address bar) and that it complies with the regulatory privacy policy. Psychologists have a Code of Ethics that we must comply with, which also ensures confidentiality.

Last but not least, I advise you to observe how you feel with that therapist. As a clinical psychologist, you will be able to notice that I have all the above requirements; but beyond what is strictly legal, I believe in the importance of the feeling you get from the interaction with the professional you finally choose. You must feel confidence and security, understanding without judgment and freedom to express yourself at all times.

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Consultation: Why you should

The growing presence of the mental health area, is traduced as an increase of people who want to fight against their ghosts; searching for a better quality of life. However, when we are facing the unknown, it is natural that certain doubts assail us.

But what are they going to think of me? It is the first thing that perhaps crosses us, and we do not know how to face it; but neither can we deny the desire to say… Enough!

That moment reveals a need for change. Those who already walk that path want to provide themselves with the tools to deal with their own deserts and build a better reality. The person chooses to take a journey to the center of him/herself to listen, understand and reconcile.

However… What stops us?

The fear. A weapon that blocks emotional expression, freezes behavior, and prevents transformation; paralyzes and clouds our resources. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being hurt, of opening up to others and uncovering the inner emptiness. The fear of being judged, not being understood or feeling abandoned.

We tend to flee from what distresses us, to disguise reality to cover up pain. It goes unnoticed, until discomfort builds up and the tip of the iceberg emerges. What is it? What happens to me and why? Time makes it evident. There are some who identify it as weakness; when in reality, it means liberation.

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Only when we validate and embrace what is part of us, we can take a step towards emotional freedom.

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Going for a consultation and requesting professional support means gathering the courage to face yourself, your own fears and their contradictions. It is realizing that you are not alone. And that a specialist can guide you in what you need to start walking towards fullness.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Do I need therapy? What does the therapeutic process consist of? These and some other questions are the ones that we ask ourselves before going to a psychology professional. Here you will find answers for some of the most common ones.

If your request is more specific, do not hesitate to contact me and we will resolve all your doubts without any kind of commitment.

What is more often consulted?

There is a variety of demands and can affect any area of our life: couple, sexual relationships, family, work, studies, interpersonal relationships, etc. The symptoms that we can notice could be anxiety, sadness, sleep problems, apathy, restlessness, repetitive ideas, anger… or any kind of mood alteration that influences negatively and causes us discomfort.

For whom is it?

This service is aimed at a very wide range of ages; from adult population to children, through youth and adolescents also.

What is Psychotherapy?

Is that therapy aimed at working on the psychological dimension of the individual. A process that provides us with resources, perspectives and tools to deal with challenges and regulate how they affect us. We may feel disoriented at first, but it will be the starting point to reconnect with ourselves and recover our path. The psychologist is the one who accompanies and guides the patient in the process.

How does it work?

The therapeutic process is carried out through face-to-face sessions or online modality. My goal is that you can express yourself freely and be able to look for what is not working well so that we can work together to its resolution.

How much time will it take?

As for time criteria, we could shuffle many answers. It will depend on factors such as the type of problem, the time elapsed or the willingness you have to work on it. Sometimes certain processes may require a natural course where time plays an important role. Establishing new habits requires new learnings and each person will set their own pace. My task is to keep it as short as possible.

Are Psychologist and Psychiatrist the same?

No, they aren’t. Although both professions are in the field of health, they adopt different practices and methodologies to achieve different objectives. Psychiatry is mainly focused on the pharmacological and physiological with prescription of medication. Depending on the case, it is valued to work together, when the situation requires it.

Do you have more questions? Get them to me from here.

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More about

My professional career is focused on private clinical practice in hospital area. Collaboration with private centers both locally and with centers with recognized international presence. Collaboration with medical entities in units such as psychology, psychiatry or rheumatology. Implementation of projects related to education in gender equality, sexual and digital education in adolescents, giving lectures in educational centers.

In the social sphere, assistance in caring for women, coverage and relationships between groups of children and young people of Asian origin, mediation and integration of vulnerable groups and holding workshops for caregivers of the dependent clinical population, promoted by the Fundació Obra Social de ‘La Caixa’.

Carrying out projects focused on neuro-emotional development through the application of artistic therapies such as music therapy, and projects focused on psychopedagogical resolution and management in childhood and adolescence. Complementary training in childhood sleep psychopathology as a Gentle Sleep Coach®.

Click here to know more about my professional vision and mission.